Bloom
by NikkiNovak
Summary: There's a fine line we walk between what we need and what we want. Elena has always walked the righteous path in life, setting goals and following through but sometimes the best laid plans often go awry. Damon is a free spirit, living day to day. When the two collide, will they crash and burn? Or will they bloom? AU/AH
1. Home Again

_**It's been so long since I've written anything so, there you have it folks. This is my first trip back into fan fiction land and as nervous as I am, I adore these characters and the show far too much to NOT share. I really hope you guys enjoy...because there's so much more where this came from. ~NikkiNovak**_

* * *

 **Chapter One: Home Again**

They say you can never go home again. I'd like to find out who 'they' are and tell them that they're definitely correct. Mystic Falls. It used to be my safe haven, my bubble, the place where a young woman could grow her hopes and dreams. It was a quiet place with small town charm, which if we're being honest, meant that everyone knew everyone else's business. Still, my friends and I traversed our most formative years in the local high school. We threw bonfires by the lake and pool parties at Tyler Lockwood's massive house. There were ghost stories in the cemetery, hangovers, proms, heartache, and lots of growing up. Even after my parents died, Mystic Falls held me close and raised me to think anything was possible. The most unbelievable thing, though, was how badly we all wanted to escape out into the real world and see what it had to offer. It was that inherent want and need to explore that landed our core group of friends in New York City. Honestly, I never thought I'd go back. Too bad small town dreams don't always turn into big city realities.

I stood in the middle of my old bedroom, hands on hips, surveying what was left behind after I'd moved out. Jenna hadn't even attempted to clear anything out in fear that I had slipped into denial about wanting to keep things for future proverbial children. But, that was then. It was time for it all to go and what better use of post-graduation time than to clean out your childhood bedroom? I personally couldn't think of a better decision.

"Elena?"

Footsteps fell with soft thuds on the wooden staircase and I spun, a genuinely happy smile growing. "Ric...hey." I tossed the stuffed bear in my hand aside and crossed into the hallway to hug him. "Jenna said you guys might need some extra space. Congrats."

His smile lit up his eyes in the warmest way. Alaric and Jenna had a love story to be envious of, and envious I was but, I was also happy for them. My old room would soon be a nursery. Another generation to enjoy the space, to grow and dream just like I had. For their baby's sake...I hope things go better than they had for me. The thought brought me back to reality and back to the discarded bear.

Ric sighed happily but not without taking notice of the sudden shift in mood. "Thanks...and I'm uh, sorry to hear about you and Matt."

The topic obviously made him uncomfortable so I spared him quickly with a change of subject. "I noticed Jer didn't offer up his room." I motioned through the open bathroom door that connected my brother's room with mine. "Now you've got to have another."

I laughed and he joined me without trying to rehash the whole 'Matt' topic. "Try telling your aunt that. I'm sure she'll have an opinion or two...or three."

"Or maybe I'll just clean his room out myself and leave mine, you know...to live in while I try to figure out how to be a grown up."

I could see it on his face before his words confirmed what I already knew to be true. Pity. "Hey, you're gonna be fine. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who you are," he offered with a glance around the room. "Get out and get some fresh air. This stuff can wait."

"Too bad they don't teach you that in college. I'd have majored in adulting." My tone was defeated and Ric was right; this stuff could wait. A lot of things could and would wait because I just wasn't prepared. I spent most of my life preparing to be unprepared.

* * *

Nothing ever changed in Mystic Falls, Virginia. The square was bustling with a farmer's market that showed up like clockwork every summer. People walked their dogs. Little kids roamed around with ice cream cones. It was practically Mayberry and I caught myself whistling the Andy Griffith theme song as I walked. My feet, on their own accord of course, led me straight to the place I'd been trying like hell to avoid. The grill. Mystic Grill, the hangout spot. Conveniently managed by my now ex-boyfriend. Luckily, I had sense enough to make a u-turn and get out of there before someone else decided to apologize on the demise of our relationship.

"Rest in peace...or is it pieces?" I mused to myself. "Here lies the broken pieces of what once was a promising relationship. Or not." If anything, I could dedicate my life to eulogies and obituaries. My subconscious obviously thought so too because somehow I ended up in the cemetery, perched ever so comfortably on my parent's headstone. The irony of it all was not lost on me, the queen of irony. He'd called me cold hearted. Imagine that, if you will. Someone I had known my _entire_ life, someone I had loved and treasured and shared many firsts with actually had the balls to call me cold hearted. The thought made me angry and I hopped off the headstone, kicking a loose rock in the process. It was because we grew up. The adult versions of Matt and I, we just didn't get one another, but I tried. I held on too long to the memory of what had once been and when the time came to end it all, I didn't cry. I didn't react at all. Ten years and not even one tear. I would hate me too.

It was hard to go anywhere in town that didn't remind me of who I used to be. There was evidence of Elena Gilbert in everything, the girl with such a good head on her shoulders and bright future. Rest in peace to that girl too. In her place was...me, but figuring out who me _is_ would be a journey all its own.

Despite the reason, being home again brought a sense of normalcy back that had been absent. The rest of the day was relatively uneventful, aside from Jenna burning dinner. Everyone tiptoed around any subject they thought might set me off but I could let them have their avoidance. It made my eventual escape up the stairs from a heated game of Monopoly that much easier and when I finally closed the door to my old bedroom, the silence overtook me at once. I went from months of pouring myself over a thesis and struggling to find the time to sleep, to wondering what my next step would be. I have a _Masters_ degree. I have a _Masters_ degree and absolutely no idea what to do with my life. The anxiousness started to consume me so I fell face first onto my bed as dramatically as one could manage. Tomorrow is when I'll stop acting like a twelve year old. For now, I just want to wallow and throw a giant pity party for myself. _Loser, party of one._

Somehow, I must have fallen asleep because I woke to Jenna crawling into my bed like she used to when I was younger. A soft but lazy smile found its way to my lips. The sensation almost felt foreign. "You do realize you have your own bed complete with a husband and a pregnancy pillow, right?" I question at the same time I scoot closer to my aunt.

Jenna stifled a yawn. "You do realize I don't buy this casual demeanor you're tossing around, right?"

"Touché."

"Then spill, Elena. My Spidey Senses are tingling...and I really have to pee."

My eyes rolled automatically and I cleared my throat, trying to clear the huskiness of sleep away. "I'm fine, Jen. I just need some time to get myself together."

"Seriously? Get yourself together?" I barely caught the soft disbelieving sound she made. "You've been walking around here like _the most_ put together person I've ever seen. Try again."

I could feel her eyes burning into me through the darkness and suddenly I felt very small. It was just too much to explain. "No offense, but I don't want to relive my breakup in the middle of one of your midnight bathroom trips."

Jenna knew she'd lost this round, that much I could tell by her defeated exhale. "Fine...but we're revisiting this tomorrow morning. You can't escape me." Her hand connected with my shoulder, shoving me, and I groaned in annoyance.

"Jenna! Go!"

"I'm going, I'm going…" For a pregnant woman, she exited the bed easily and padded off toward the bathroom.

When she was gone, I tried my best to go back to sleep. I stared at the ceiling, blinking through the haze in my eyes and my mind which automatically goes back to the night that Matt and I broke up.

 _The elevator lurched and I grabbed the railing that runs parallel to where I'm standing. My stomach grumbled reminding me that I hadn't eaten since breakfast. It was days like this where I question my decision to get my Masters but the elevator reaches our floor, bringing me back to the present. All I wanted was a grilled cheese and a bubble bath...maybe some ice cream. Mint chocolate chip…_

 _"_ _I'm home-" I stop in my tracks and at the beginning of what I guess is a path of rose petals. "Matt?" Confusion is etched on my features when he doesn't answer, forcing me to follow the abandoned petals into the bedroom._

 _"_ _I thought I was gonna have to come to the library and find you," Matt spoke from his spot on the end of the bed when I rounded the one wall separating the bedroom from the rest of the apartment._

 _"_ _What…" I drop the bag with my books and laptop onto the floor with a soft thud, taking in the scene unfolding around me. "...Matt, what's going on?"_

 _He rose and gave me his usual crooked grin. It only managed to confuse me more. Matt Donovan was not a rose petals and candles kind of guy. The silence was filled only by my breathing, strangled in my throat by the sudden appearance of a velvet box._

The sound of birds singing and calling rattled around in my subconscious before I realized I was awake and at home, the morning breeze carrying the sounds of Saturday morning in Mystic Falls through the window. There were the sprinklers across the street at the Nelsons' house and a lawn mower one street over and...an air horn?

I scrambled out of bed to the window, shoving curtains aside to find out where the horn was coming from and why it seemed to be getting closer. _What the..._ My head emerged from the sea of dancing draperies just in time to catch the tail end of an RV turning onto my street. The horn blew again, announcing its arrival...right in front of my house and before I could even process what was happening, a blonde came bounding down the steps excitedly.

"Caroline?"

The blonde looked up and waved excitedly as if she'd heard me. I returned the wave halfheartedly, retreating into the room to get dressed. Somewhere downstairs the doorbell rang. There was a flurry of voices, Caroline's much louder than the rest because she was eternally excited about life in general. Jenna called up to me a few times but I dressed at a snail's pace regardless. Whatever was happening with the thing parked out front couldn't be good.

By the time I got downstairs there was a full blown reunion going on. Caroline's boyfriend, and my longtime friend, Stefan was exchanging playful blows with my brother. Ric was pouring everyone coffee and Jenna had both of Caroline's hands on her stomach, waiting for the baby to kick. It was like a postcard that you'd find in the "This is Your Life, Elena Gilbert' section of Hallmark and I couldn't help but admire it all from afar for as long as I could. That was, until Caroline spotted me.

"Elena! Oh my gosh, you look exhausted. I've been so worried and you haven't been returning my calls. We've been worried, right?" She glanced and nodded at Stefan who offered a warm smile. "See? Worried. You just left and Matt...and…"

"Care, I'm okay. It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going," I slipped in when she took a breath, taking both of her hands before she enveloped me in a tight hug.

The others continued to chatter on behind us as Caroline pulled away and lowered her voice. "I'm here for you. Stefan and I both; we love you. Okay?"

It was her way of leaving the door unlocked just in case one day I decided to come back to the subject and that was one of the reasons I loved her so much. "Duly noted," I breathed in a sigh of relief. "More importantly though, what the hell is that thing you drove here?"

"It's an RV, silly. A _recreational_ vehicle _._ " Her eyes widened with the word _recreational._

"I gathered that much. _Why_ did you and Stefan drive the _recreational_ vehicle here?" There was only one recreation that I knew those two to get involved in and I wanted no parts of that one.

Caroline gave me a look. A tilted head, knowing smile and dimpled look. A look that said I was about to be bamboozled by the queen bamboozler herself. "Road trip!" She gathered me in another hug and all I could focus on was Stefan's look of amused pity from across the room. Bless him. And curse him.

"Wait...I can't just pick up and _go_. I can't...no. No road trip."

"Why not?" Jenna piped up, having obviously heard the news before I even got downstairs. "You said it yourself last night. You need some time...what was it? To get yourself together." A knowing grin played at the edges of her mouth. Nice move. Playing my words against me.

Elena..zero. Jenna..one.

"Jenna's right," Ric piped up, as he usually did, and offered me a cup of coffee. "Live, be young...and free. Something like that," he finished with a wink and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"This is the absolute _wrong_ time to run away. I-"

"You what?" Stefan interrupted, one arm winding casually around Caroline's waist. Earth to the sun.

"I...I…" Damn it. He'd thrown me off my weak defense game. Nice timing. I got nothing.

Caroline leaned into Stefan with a satisfied grin. "That's what we thought. You've got no good reason to _not_ have some fun. C'mon, Elena. You've been work, work, work since we went to college." She grabbed my hands and held them both excitedly. "This is _our_ time to shine, to make memories. It's what your parents would have wanted."

Low blow, using the parental card. It rarely happened but when she was desperate, Caroline could charm an Eskimo out of his parka and in that moment I was freezing. " _Fiiiine._ Fine. I'll entertain this road trip idea." Care started to get excited until I held up a finger to stop her. "But, I need details before I start packing."

"Details?" Her eyes lit up like they usually did when details were involved and she pulled me out the front door before I could resist. "I've got a binder full of research and timelines...oh, and maps…"

"How long have you been planning this trip and why haven't I heard about it until now?" I looked back to ask Stefan but no one else had followed. It took me a moment to realize she was stalling in her answer. "Care?"

"Don't be mad. Just promise you will hear me out, okay?"

All I could offer was a nod and a cross of my arms, my hand yanked free of hers.

"Stef and I have been planning this for a while but...it was a couple's trip. A last hoorah, if you will." There was an unsure smile thrown in my direction.

"You mean, this is a pity invite?"

Caroline wrung her hands and leaned against the RV. "That's a firm negative, Elena. After everything with Matt and graduation we thought...it'll never be like this again, so, we're making this a friend's trip."

It was so something she'd do and I knew it came from the heart because that's how she was. That's what kind of best friend I'd been lucky to find and when my two closest friends started dating, it was a happy day. For the longest time it had been four of us and I still hadn't figured out where I fit in the world we created without Matt but, I had yet to feel like the third wheel. The RV drew my attention and I circled to the opposite side, chewing my bottom lip, a habit, in thought. Caroline followed, looking pleased with herself. When we were little, traveling was something we spoke about with awe. It seemed like such an impossibility at the time. Then, we all moved to New York and went to college. Stefan and I both got our Masters. That had been our lives for years.

"Let's do it," I said with a smile, grabbing my best friend by her shoulders. "I'm all in."

"Yes!" She tackled me with a hug that sent me stumbling back a few steps. "This is gonna be the trip of a lifetime, you have no idea!"

It was too easy to jump up and down and giggle with her like we were teenagers again. I'm sure the neighbors were watching with interest as Caroline did a little victory dance and I climbed on the RV to blow the air horn that had started the whole mess. "Road trip!" I called, mimicking her earlier statement and it was on. We had officially crossed back into our bubble where everything was right and nothing could stop us. _Nothing._ Nada. We were untouchable once again. The prom queen, the quiet know it all, and the girl next door. There was only one person missing but that was not going to get to me. I hope.


	2. W Whitman

_**First, let me thank anyone who followed, reviewed, or just simply read the first chapter. It meant a lot to me, being so new to TVD fandom and all. I will continue to update weekly unless I tell you guys otherwise and I hope you choose to ride this wave all the way to the beach!**_

 ** _This chapter brings us Damon and that, my friends, needs no further explanation. Enjoy!_**

* * *

 **Chapter Two: W. Whitman**

" **The mockeries are not you;**

 **Underneath them, and within them, I see you lurk;**

 **I pursue you where none else has pursued you"**

"So, tell me something…" The statement trails off as my eyes wander the pages of the binder in front of me. Caroline was nothing but thorough and I _knew_ that but, color me impressed. The thing was basically a binder based Google Maps minus the actual satellite. She even did the math on gas based on miles...with and without traffic. "What on earth made you want to go camping?"

Stefan snorted a laugh from the driver's seat but knew better than to comment. Clearly he wanted to preserve his spot next to her in bed for the foreseeable future. Caroline looked up from her iPad, eyebrows lifted in question. "You can hardly call this camping, Elena. This isn't like summer camp when we were eight. There's an actual bathroom and a bed."

"Right, _one_ bed. Do we draw straws or flip a coin...I mean…"

"In our defense, the change of plans was a last minute thing. We didn't think it through," Stefan admitted. And he speaks. Amazing...he drives an RV and speaks.

"Are you actually suggesting that Caroline didn't plan something all the way through? The shock of it all." The binder closed with a puff of air and I used it to block a projectile thrown by the blonde across from me.

"Just so you both know, the benches fold out into another bed. Happy accident." She plugged earbuds in her ears and went back to the iPad, a satisfied smirk on her face.

We were almost to Chicago, well, just outside to be specific. To be honest, it wasn't like me to go off road and do things that I didn't write down on a list somewhere. As much as I goaded Caroline for it, I completely understood the reasoning. Life had always been so well planned out for me and yeah, maybe losing my parents made me even more determined to succeed but there was nothing wrong with predictability. Not in the slightest. Okay, so why did I tell Matt no when he proposed? I pursed my lips, the corners of my lips turned down enough to catch Stefan's attention in the rear view.

"Wanna talk about it?" It was a simple enough statement but he knew the true weight of it all, probably more so than anyone else. He and I weren't very different in that aspect.

I offered a thankful smile in return. "Do you ever feel like everything is changing all around you and you're just...stuck?"

Stefan considered the question. "I'm pretty sure you just described life, Elena. It's an organized chaos and sometimes it just doesn't go our way," he offered with a pointed stare.

"You think I'm trying to control everything?"

"I think you're trying to spare us all the less than perfect details of where your head's at right now which is ridiculous, by the way."

I relocated to the passenger seat complete with heavy sigh and hair toss. Stefan was more than right, as usual. My mouth opened and closed a few times but there was no good place to start. It was Caroline's hand on my shoulder that offered enough comfort to make me push myself. She'd abandoned her spot to move closer and I was thankful. "I thought I had everything I was supposed to have but it didn't...fit. It felt off, and I couldn't keep leading Matt on in that way. He deserves someone who hasn't spent the last year questioning _everything._ "

Caroline and Stefan exchanged a look before she spoke up, tucking a stray blonde curl behind her ear. "Elena, you could have talked to us, to _me_. I mean, this explains a lot now that I think about it but come on…"

"She's right," Stefan added coolly. "You skipped parties, stopped hanging out with us on Wednesday nights. You didn't come to my graduation party."

Hearing it all out loud made my transgressions more real and while there were worse things people have done, my mental and physical absence had been something of a betrayal to them both. "You guys, I'm really sorry. I just-"

"It's the past, Elena," Caroline interjected with a smile. "You're here now and this is a turning point...for us all." She shared a silent affirmation with Stefan, her hand finding his arm. "Stefan got accepted for the field study internship. We found out last week."

"Seriously? Oh my gosh, Stefan! That's great news!" He grinned and I reached over to pat his arm. "Egypt...that's crazy." He'd applied twice before and had been rejected but archaeology was his passion and he never gave up. There was a lesson there that didn't escape me, but I'd let that sink in later.

His grin was infectious. "Six months worth of digging up stuff. My inner six year old is dying to break free."

"We'll break out the juice boxes and apple slices later," I quipped. "But something tells me we have a lot of catching up to do." My phone chimed and I checked the text reflexively. "Great."

 _Matt just came by to drop off the key to the loft. I let Jer deal with him._

"It's Bonnie," I announced, replying. _Thanks, Bon. Love you, tell Jeremy too._

"What's going on?" Caroline questioned, craning her neck, trying to see over my shoulder.

"Matt finished moving his things out of the loft, apparently. He just dropped the key off at my brother's place." My voice broke with the last few words and my eyes slid shut, hands pressed to my face. I focused on the hum of the tires and the words I couldn't quite make out on the almost silent radio. It hurt. My god, did it hurt. Was I even allowed to feel this after doubting him and our relationship for so long? After declining his proposal like it was an unwanted business deal? Maybe. Even so, it all felt foreign. He was my first everything...my _only_ everything. I had no idea who I was without him and that's the saddest thing of all. I lost myself trying to love someone the right way, when in reality, it had been all wrong.

"Elena...hey, Elena," Caroline jostled my shoulder, trying to get my attention.

"Sorry, I-" I accepted the tissue that appeared, dabbing at my eyes. The last thing I wanted to do was have a breakdown.

Stefan cleared his throat to break the silence, his own voice betraying his emotions. "Are you gonna keep the loft?"

"Honestly?" I glanced over at him and then back to the highway ahead, wringing the tissue between my hands. "I don't know. The job at the Times fell through so…" There it was. The second straw that broke the camel's back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Caroline chimed in and there was no missing the hurt in her tone.

"Care, I was embarrassed. Humiliated. I'm up to my eyeballs in student loan debt with a loft that I can't afford anymore and I'm still waiting tables in Greenwich."

She scoffed as if what I just said was absurd, and in a way it was. "So what? You haven't cornered the market on any of that stuff. Fine, you needed some time to sort through it on your own and I get that, I do. But then you tell me so I can plan a girl's night or help you search for apartments... _anything_ other than shutting me out."

The knot in my throat tightened and I reacted like a scolded child, staring down into the shredded wad of tissue. "For what it's worth, I'm telling you now. All of this has just been super stressful and overwhelming but I hear you, okay? There's only one way to go from here." And I meant every word.

* * *

 _It would have been a sucker's way out, but I still wished for the earth to open up and swallow me whole. One gulp. RIP Elena. It would have, at the very least, overshadowed the most hurtful decision I had ever made. The moment was a well thought out, well calculated one on Matt's part but it didn't feel like mine. I was having an out of body experience, listening to myself explain why we couldn't get married and not really comprehending that the unwavering voice was mine. It wasn't until I saw it on his face, the brokenness that I had caused, that my throat started to burn. My tongue felt swollen in my mouth, rebelling against me and daring me to say anything else._

" _I can't…" Matt choked out the words but his face crumpled in agony and he didn't finish._

" _Please, Matt. You have to know that I never stopped loving you. I'm doing this because I love you."_

" _That's bullshit and you know it!" He spat the words back at me and I stood there in utter shock that he'd found his voice again so quickly. "Is there someone else? Huh? Tell me, Elena, because I can't understand why you'd throw away ten years for no damn reason!"_

" _I gave you the reason! I can't marry you because it isn't right...it doesn't feel right. You hate the city. You never wanted to leave Mystic Falls and I refuse to go back there. I've built a life here in New York!" We had never shouted at one another and each decibel was like a scrape of nails on a chalkboard, sending chills through me._

 _He was disgusted; the look on his face told me that much. "I love you, Elena. I moved to a city I hate to work a job that I only kinda like, but it was all worth it to be able to come home to you everyday." His voice was quieter but the agony was still there. "I was making it_ work _. This works."_

" _Not if I'm not happy, Matt, and that's not fair to you. Things are changing and I can't stop it...I never meant to hurt you." I tried to rest a hand on his shoulder but he pulled away with an awkward jerk of his body._

" _You could've said something before I made an ass of myself," Matt murmured, rubbing just above his eyes._

" _I didn't know how to tell you. I just-"_

" _Save it, Elena. You made your point and I don't need to hear any more. I'm gonna pack a bag."_

 _There was no response I could have made that didn't sound pitiful and empty - so I didn't say a word. The sound of Matt tossing things hastily into a duffel bag was like a knife to the heart. Yes, I told him no, but you don't spend ten years of your life with someone and not mourn the loss when it's over. Surprisingly, there was a small piece of me way deep down that was relieved. In some textbook somewhere that probably meant I was a horrible person so entertaining that feeling of relief was impossible. So, I just stood there...doing nothing, and it wasn't until he came back around the corner and grabbed his keys off the counter that I even looked up from the floor._

" _I don't know what to say to you anymore," he breathed. "I never expected this from you, Elena. Not you."_

" _Matt, I-"_

" _No. Just stop. I'm an idiot, ya know? It took me this long to see what was right in front of me. You're cold, Elena. You're throwing this all away like it's a normal day. It takes a cold-hearted person to pull that off."_

 _And then he was gone._

* * *

"I can't believe you, Stefan. This is so typical. Whatever he wants, he gets."

"Caroline, stop. He's working on a new book and when he heard we were driving Route 66 I guess it gave him ideas. I don't know."

"You couldn't have mentioned this to me? Or Elena? What's she gonna think? Oh god...she's gonna think we did this on purpose."

I listened to Stefan and Caroline whispering angrily back and forth to one another outside the RV, afraid to tip them off to the fact that I was awake but the smell of food wafted through the open window to taunt me. My stomach growled and I sighed, making a big deal of standing and stretching before I braved whatever was going on outside. They both froze when I appeared. Suspicious. "What's going on? What did I miss?" I asked as innocently as possible.

Caroline glared at Stefan, linked her arm with mine and pulled me toward the restaurant. "The good news is, we made it to Willowbrook."

"Dell Rhea's Chicken Basket?" I asked, slight hesitation in my voice. It wasn't my first choice for dinner but judging by the smell, I wouldn't be disappointed.

"Yeah...listen, there's something I need to tell you and please don't be angry because _someone_ forgot to keep me in the loop. Please?"

I watched her literally plead with me and almost didn't want to know. "Okay, out with it," I demanded lightly, stopping to cross my arms and stare her down.

"Stefan invited his brother to go with us." She held a hand up in front of her face, peeking through her fingers.

"Damon? _Why_ would Damon want to go on a road trip with us?" Stefan's brother had never been one of the group. He was older and according to him, had better shit to do which was okay with us. I hadn't personally laid eyes on him in years.

"Something about a photography book and inspiration...god, I don't know. Are you okay?"

I must have looked ill because Caroline suddenly looked concerned. Sure, let's take someone we've never hung out with and coop him up in an RV with people he has nothing in common with. Sounds legit. "I'm fine. It's already decided so it is what it is."

She still looked like she didn't believe me. "This doesn't change anything. All our plans still stand, I promise."

"I don't understand what Stefan was thinking or if he was thinking at all but it's his brother. I can learn to deal. Maybe it won't be so bad."

"Famous last words," Caroline offered. She ran both hands through her hair and turned, forcing out an angry huff. "Speak of the devil."

Damon Salvatore sauntered toward us with an overly confident smirk on his face and a bag of food in each hand. Caroline stood her ground but I was staring for a different reason. When I realized it I looked away long enough to clear my throat and compose myself.

"Blondie...Blondie's friend whose name escapes me. I come bearing the best fried chicken you'll ever eat. Social media says so and we all know that the internet is never wrong." The smirk never left, it just shifted to the opposite side of his mouth.

"Her name is Elena," Caroline announced before I could. "She's been best friends with your brother for almost eight years."

"Poor thing," Damon shot back and walked past us, headed toward the RV. "It's a good thing I'm here to shake things up."

Caroline and I exchanged annoyed looks but turned to follow him anyway.

* * *

The awkward silence in the RV was deafening. Stefan drove while Caroline shot daggers sideways at him from the passenger seat, leaving me on the bench across from Damon. I tried not to stare but I kept finding myself glancing in his direction. It had been years since he'd made an appearance and for that reason, had become something of a local legend in Mystic Falls. No one knew what was myth or fact but regardless, the older Salvatore brother was interesting. If I were being honest with myself, Caroline seemed to be more annoyed by his presence than I was.

He appeared to be completely oblivious to the wrench he'd thrown in the works by tagging along, stretched out the length of the seat and whistling an AC/DC song. "You guys are gonna have to take it down a notch. I can't hear myself think over all the noise," Damon cautioned, not bothering to look away from the book in his hands.

Curiosity got the best of me in the continued silence. "Whitman...that's an interesting choice," I offered, checking out the book cover from across the aisle. Stefan laughed a little but it was ignored by us all.

Damon glanced over at me and then went back to reading. A blush threatened to appear on my cheeks when he started to read out loud. "I believe in you my soul, the other I am must not abase itself to you, and you must not be abased to the other. Loafe with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat, not words, not music or rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best, only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice. I mind how once we lay such a transparent summer morning, how you settled your head athwart my hips and gently turn'd over upon me, and parted the shirt from my bosom-bone, and plunged your tongue to my bare-stript heart, and reached till you felt my beard, and reached till you held my feet."

The sound of his voice was even and soothing and it was a handful of seconds before I realized he'd finished. His eyes were on me, obviously waiting for a response. I half expected Caroline to interject but she'd gone radio silent, earbuds conveniently in place. "I didn't realize Walt Whitman's stuff was so…" My brain searched for the right word frantically.

"Sensual?" Damon chimed in, saving me from myself. Blue eyes burned into mine, my ability to look away completely lost in the swirls of color that, appropriately enough, resembled a rolling storm. "No one appreciates the human form more, except for me."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Stefan shaking his head in amusement but it didn't take away from the heat I felt rising up my neck. Damon was forward - that much had just become crystal clear and I struggled to find words. "That's...I mean it's...I really like it," I stuttered, settling on the most basic forming of words that I could manage.

My awkwardness seemed to entertain him and he sat upright, a hand passing through his shock of dark hair, unknowingly making it stick out in every direction. He closed the book and offered it to me, sandwiched between both his hands. "Put your right hand on top of mine and repeat after me," Damon requested seriously. I complied, albeit hesitantly, and then he continued. "I promise to read every word of this book. I promise to appreciate it, understand it, and stop blushing when something even remotely sexual is brought up."

He quirked a brow and smirked devilishly when I stopped repeating and yanked the book from him with a huff. "Are you mocking me?" Unbelieveable. I was so easily reeled in, and then spat back out for his amusement.

"Mocking? No. Stating a fact? Absolutely." Damon relaxed once again, spreading his arms out across the back of the seat. "You're even worse than my brother. Isn't that right, Stefan?"

Stefan gave him the finger over his shoulder, drawing Caroline's attention who merely rolled her eyes. "If you think you're going to make it to LA by insulting us all, you're mistaken," he warned.

Damon waved Stefan off with a laugh. "I'm simply telling Elena here that she needs to lighten up. Life isn't that serious." His gaze came back to me and he motioned toward the book I was clutching to my chest. "You might learn something."

The nerve. How dare he insinuate that I was uptight? What kind of person makes judgement on someone they barely know? We'd barely had _one_ complete conversation and I'd already been labeled. Better yet, _why_ was I so bothered by any of it and _why_ was I clutching Damon Salvatore's battered copy of Leaves of Grass to my chest like it would disappear any moment?


	3. Don't Stop Believing

**Chapter Three - Don't Stop Believing**

"Devil's Elbow? More like Devil's armpit," Caroline mumbled as she walked alongside me, fanning herself. "There's no breeze and I'm melting."

"Suck it up, buttercup," I replied in a sing-song voice and bumped my shoulder against hers. "I have it on good authority that there's waterfalls at the end of this trail."

She gave me a look and bumped me back, laughing. "Tell me again how my research is unnecessary. That binder has saved our asses twice so far."

I turned my head a bit, trying to casually glance back at Stefan and Damon. There was enough distance between us to offer a little privacy, something none of us had in the RV, and I was still cautious around Damon. He rubbed me the wrong way which made me want to figure out his endgame even more. Pushing my limits seemed to be a game to him - a game that I wasn't so willing to play. He argued with me about sharing my bed in the RV but set up a tent to sleep in instead. Stefan left me half a banana at breakfast and Damon ate it, grinning the entire time. He asked inappropriate questions. Somehow, I had become his target. "Care...what do you know about Damon?"

"I know about as much as you do, Elena. Why?" She had a _tone_ to her voice.

"You're dating his brother...c'mon, I know you know _something_. Caroline Forbes, voted most likely to become a gossip columnist senior year, cannot be fresh out of information."

"I try to mind my business, thank you very much. I mean, _maybe_ I've picked up some things here and there…"

"I knew it. Spill." It wasn't like me to dig for dirt on someone but in my opinion, Damon had it coming.

Caroline sighed and shaded her eyes, looking out over the mountain trail we were walking along. "Stefan told me he's trying to move back to the east coast. He had this really high profile job, a studio...he photographed for big names, and he lost it."

"With that attitude, I'm not surprised."

"That's not all," Caroline added, adjusting the straps on her backpack. "I heard Damon and Stefan talking last night and apparently, the woman he was seeing was his boss."

"Wait," I said a little too loudly before realizing my mistake and quickening my pace to put a greater distance between us and the guys. "Damon was dating his boss?"

"The fact that he was dating anyone at all is what threw me, but that's not the bad part. She sold him out over a mistake _she_ made and he just let it happen. Didn't even try to stand up for himself. Who does something like that?"

Considering the relationship issues I had, it didn't feel right to say anything about Damon's. Especially since the information was secondhand, but, my curiosity was at a fever pitch. "I don't know, Care...I mean, we don't really _know_ Damon all that well. Who's to say he didn't make the right choice?"

"Right choice? Elena, dating your boss is like playing with fire. They even lived together." My eyes went wide and Caroline nodded. "Oh yeah, it was serious. Her name is Katherine and she's the reason Stefan and Damon's relationship has been strained all this time. She's the reason for a lot of things."

We hadn't gossiped like that in years and a small part of me felt guilty. The rest of me needed to know more about the mysterious Salvatore brother. "He's been seeing her _all_ this time?"

"Stefan called her a manipulative bitch and according to the pieces of the Damon puzzle I've been putting together, he's right," Caroline spat with a hint of anger. "He's an ass but to be strung along for years? No…"

This certainly was a new turn of events. The pieces and parts of Damon's story were starting to align slowly and I didn't know if I felt sorry for him or if I understood. Suddenly, the little bit of what I knew before made so much sense. "It's all an act," I mumbled.

"What?" Caroline gave me a confused look. "What's an act?"

"You know...the arrogance, the know it all air of confidence. It has to be an act."

"Oh no, Elena. Don't give Damon that much credit, you know, you always do this with people. You always have. You did it with Matt."

My mouth opened in slight shock but my feelings weren't hurt. Finding the good in people was something I did naturally. Unfortunately, sometimes I had to look a little too hard. "So you really think Damon is an asshole - that he can't possibly be reacting the only way he knows how?"

"Damon is a d-bag," Caroline grimaced. "That doesn't make it okay that his ex treats him like a toy, no, but Elena...don't read too much into his issues. It's not your job to fix everyone."

"I never said-"

"Off to the right, check it out," Stefan called from somewhere behind us, unknowingly cutting me off, and putting an end to that conversation.

The falls were beautiful. Rainbows jumped around in the spray at the bottom when the sun hit the water just right. I stared in awe at the waterfall as Stefan caught up to us and wrapped an arm around Caroline from the side, kissing her temple lovingly. Damon fell into place next to me and I couldn't help but look over at him, the newfound information still fresh on my mind. His profile was shadowed by a halo of sunshine and I found myself captivated, staring at him while he stared at the natural wonder before us. The rushing water and sun and sound all melded together in some strange feeling of euphoria that threatened to hold my attention forever - until he turned and caught me staring. His eyes locked on mine seconds before I realized it but instead of the annoyed look I was expecting, Damon smiled a half smile. Then he walked away.

* * *

The rocks at the base of the falls were warm from the sun and the water cool. Stefan and Caroline played in the shallower part of the river, laughing and splashing. I envied them, mostly for the freedom in which they lived and loved. It was like they didn't even have to try. I rolled onto my side and propped my head up in one hand to give my back a rest from the warmth of the stone. A soft clicking drew my attention and I looked lazily over my shoulder to Damon, armed with his camera. Without a shirt the filtered sunlight left patterns of leaves all over his fair skin. The shapes danced, holding my attention long enough to distract from the fact that he was taking pictures of me.

"Am I going in your new book?" I asked jokingly before turning my attention back to Stefan and Caroline. "Those two sure are having a good time."

Damon lowered his camera but he was laughing. Good sign. "Blondie and I don't really get along but she sure as hell makes my brother less moody. That's less whining I have to put up with," he explained and sat next to me on the rocks.

"Yeah, they're good for one another...total opposites, but apparently opposites attract." I sighed, mostly out of relaxation, and sat upright. "Having fun?" _Having fun?_ My conversational skills suffered greatly in his presence.

The look he gave me was one I couldn't read but at the very least, there was amusement in his voice. "Constantly. Maybe I should be asking _you_ that question. Are you always so...uptight?"

"Are you serious?" Every time I considered giving him a chance, he proved to me why I shouldn't. My eyes narrowed, "What's your obsession with my social life, Damon?"

He shrugged as if it were all a game to him. "It's not really just you. My brother...he's just as bad. College Barbie is probably the most exciting one out of you all. Which is a damn shame."

I was starting to see why Caroline steered clear of Damon. "I'm sorry but you seem to think I want your opinion. I'm perfectly happy with my life." My arms crossed just to drive home the biggest lie ever. It didn't even _sound_ believable.

"I don't need to know you to see how much of a lie that is, Elena. You're a shitty liar."

"Who's a shitty liar?" Stefan questioned, appearing on my right side and spreading out a blanket to sit on.

"Your bestie, Elena." Damon grinned, pleased with himself. "I'm still waiting for her to shut the autopilot off and do something worthwhile."

"You are a bad liar," Stefan agreed easily and that surprised me a little.

"Great, so the two of you are ganging up on me now? If I knew this trip would be like this I would have stayed home. I've got better things to do than be your stand in punching bag, Damon." I stood and glared down at him, frustrated that I couldn't dispel the tension between he and I.

Damon stood too, but the mischievous look didn't fall from his face. "You can't control anything, Elena. You don't have that power and neither does anyone else, and I'm tired of watching you pout already. I can't take it anymore."

I was swept off my feet before I realized what was happening. Damon gathered me up bridal style in his arms and ran toward the edge of the rocks, jumped into the pool at the base of the falls, and took me along with him. For a moment, all there was, was rushing water and confusion. It took me a moment to break the surface but when I did he was right there waiting and he looked pleased with himself. Everyone was laughing...except me. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone? How had I become his scapegoat? The thoughts ran wild and all I wanted to do was escape. And that's what I did. I gathered my things, despite the pleas of Caroline to stay, and started the walk back. Stefan called after me, but ultimately let me go and Damon didn't even try. He wasn't the least bit sorry and I couldn't help but feel a little hurt over the entire situation. This was supposed to be my time to figure stuff out, and relax, and find myself. My head was full of questions with no answers which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for Damon, challenging my patience at every turn. We weren't even halfway to our destination. We had miles and miles to go before I could be free of this man who acted like a bored child - who passed the time by making me uncomfortable. Rather than wait for the others to get back, I changed my clothes, fought with my tangled hair, and disappeared off into the woods. I needed a break.

 _Remember, fear not, be candid, promulge the body and the soul; dwell a while and pass on - be copious, temperate, chaste, magnetic._ The words struck something within me and I hadn't been able to stop thinking of them. They'd been on a constant loop the entire walk back to our camp site. I'd made peace with myself, mostly, and with the fading light I knew that it was time to show my face again. Not to mention, I was starving.

Damon was sitting at the picnic table, back to me, when I rounded the end of the RV. It didn't look like Caroline or Stefan were even there and I hesitated, but pushed myself to join him. "Hey…"

"She lives and she speaks," he mused. "We were starting to worry you were lost in the woods."

"You were worried?" I shot back teasingly. "I find that hard to believe."

"What if you got hungry? Hmm? You'd have to eat wildlife. Berries. Sticks." He was having far too much fun being a smart ass.

"Now that you mention it, I am pretty hungry. There was a lack of squirrels." I quirked a brow in challenge and Damon looked impressed at the attempt in humor.

"There's a place up the road that claims it has the best barbecue around. Let's go."

I stumbled over the bench trying to follow him before he disappeared into the dark and he was laughing when I caught up. "Where's Caroline and Stefan?" I asked, silently hoping they would join us and save me from spending the night alone with Damon.

"Date night...whatever that means. Could be code, but, I'd rather not know."

Date night meant they wanted to be alone and I was with Damon on that one. Of course, that meant we wouldn't see them for a while. I tried not to think about having to make awkward conversation with him all night. "I started reading Leaves of Grass. That's what I was doing…"

"When you ran away?" I started to defend myself but he shook his head and I clammed up. "It makes you think and it'll open your eyes to a lot of things."

He almost sounded wistful and it intrigued me. "Have you read the whole book?"

"More than once. I know some of the poems by heart." There must have been a quizzical look on my face because he embellished his statement further. "It was my mother's book. She read it to me when I was little. It turned me into the genius I am today."

I laughed and it was genuine enough to surprise me a little. Damon had a way about him that made it so hard to be angry in his presence. "It's so different from anything I read in school. Whitman breaks the rules...he doesn't rhyme or follow the standard for line length." No wonder Damon enjoyed it so much.

"But it's still beautiful. It's sexual in an elusive way. That's what happens when you don't follow the norm." His eyes almost sparkled, illuminated with excitement.

"Is that what you love about photography?"

We were nearing the restaurant and the streetlights were illuminating the way and his face. His expression softened. "That's exactly what I love about it. A picture is worth a thousand words."

"Why, Damon, how incredibly cliché," I marveled in mock surprise. "I think all the mingling with us commoners has lessened your wit."

"The little people are more fun. I have to come down off my throne now and then to remind myself where I came from," he wiggled both brows and grinned at me, one hand on the door to the restaurant.

The moment broke quickly unfortunately, when I realized the parking lot was full of motorcycles and I could hear a dull roar from inside the building. "Elbow Inn," I read from the sign near the road. "Wait...this is a biker bar. Damon, I don't think we-"

"Live a little, Elena. Get inside." He yanked the door open and lightly shoved me through.

Spending time alone with Damon was like being in a black hole. I just got sucked in before there was time to stop myself from losing ground. Granted, the bar full of people meant we weren't _technically_ alone, but we may as well have been. Dinner led to a heavy discussion about alcohol and just how much one had to drink before all inhibitions were lost. It wasn't until he and I were halfway through a bottle of tequila that I realized we had become the guinea pigs.

"Gentlemen...and ladies," Damon shouted down the bar above the music. "One...two...three, drink!" He watched us all throw back shots and slam the shot glasses on the bar top. "Elena, you make me proud - that's three in a row."

I could hear him better as he moved closer to me and I laughed, wiping liquor remnants from my chin with the back of my hand. "Reigning champion! You guys have _got_ to keep up." Our new acquaintances laughed and groaned almost in unison. Damon's arm circled my shoulders and I leaned into him, laughing. "This might be the night I drink a guy three times my size under the table."

"A few hours ago I wouldn't have taken you seriously, but now…" He trailed off as the music changed and swung me away from him, toward the small crowd of people dancing. "...I know you mean business." The conclusion of the thought brought his lips to my ear so I could hear him and the sensation almost rendered me speechless. Almost.

I stared up into those blue eyes for what felt like forever, reveling in the feeling of a slow smile spreading across my face. In the background, somewhere outside the tequila dimension we existed in, I heard familiar lyrics and didn't even try to stop myself from singing along. "Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train goin' anywhere…"

Damon's face lit up and he nodded, singing along just as the chorus began. Everyone around us joined in moments later. I laughed, we danced, and everyone sang in the biggest, drunkest sing along I'd ever witnessed. The emotions coursing through me felt so foreign because I hadn't truly let go in years. Every moment, every decision had been well thought out and so calculated that there was never any room to have fun.

We were surrounded by strangers in a biker bar, in the middle of the Ozarks but it felt right. The weight lifted further with every laugh and off key note we hit but it didn't matter. I danced with everyone as I bounced through the crowd toward the bar with Damon in tow, his hand linked easily with mine. He motioned to the ceiling and laughed. There were hundreds of bras hanging above the bar where bold women before me had left their mark. I wanted to leave mine too.

"What are you doing?" Damon yelled over the noise when I climbed onto a stool and then the bar, carefully dodging glasses and bottles.

I grinned, unfastening my own bra underneath my shirt. "I'm having fun!" Whether he heard me or not didn't matter, because the look on his face was priceless when I pulled a pink bra free and twirled it above my head. Those who noticed cheered me on as I swung it up and it caught on the pipe with the rest. A piece of me would always be at the Elbow Inn...literally.

Damon helped me off slide off the bar after that and pulled me to him, laughing. "You're crazy, Elena."

Maybe it was the shots or the positive charge in the throng of bikers singing Journey, but deep down I knew Damon was right. "You're damn right...now buy me another drink."

* * *

There was a marching band playing an endless drum solo in my head and no way to make it stop. I couldn't remember why, right away, but slowly as I woke, the countless tequila shots came back to me in more ways than one. My stomach did a somersault and I tried to roll onto my back but there was something...no, _someone_ , behind me. One bloodshot eye cracked open to take a visual survey.

"Stop moving," the lump behind me groaned and I froze.

Damon. The bar. Lots of alcohol and bikers. It all rushed back and I wanted to throw up. "Why are you in my bed?" I felt around, silently praying I had clothes on. I did. Thank heaven for small miracles.

"You wanted to play big spoon, little spoon...why the hell else would I be in a bed? Now be quiet. Sleep." His arm snaked over my waist and both my eyes shot open.

I wiggled my way out of his hold and over the side of the bed only to land in the floor with a thud. "Oh my gosh, I'm dying. I don't remember coming back at all…" I glanced back at Damon who was passed out once again until I smacked the bed.

One blue eye cracked open and glared weakly. "Sleep, I said."

"You can go back to sleep... in your own bed, right after you answer this question. Where the hell is my bra?"


	4. Thunder Rolls

**Chapter Four - Thunder Rolls**

 _ **Damon POV**_

 **Devil's Elbow, Missouri**

I had been hungover before, many times, but a tequila hangover was what I would equate to slow death. I was one loud noise away from going Linda Blair on everyone, complete with head spinning and green puke. At least I had faired better in that department than Elena had. The thought made me laugh.

"What's so funny?" My brother practically fell into the folding chair next to me and offered me a beer, which I gladly took. Best thing for a hangover? More alcohol.

"Life, brother. Life is hilarious." I admitted. "Although, your bestie all liquored up is pretty hilarious too." I lifted the sunglasses from my eyes and grinned over at Stefan. Stefan's jaw clenched almost minutely, but I noticed it anyway.

"What are you doing, Damon?"

"I'm nursing a hangover with a Corona. What the hell do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"I meant with Elena. Don't be a smart ass." Stefan paused and picked at a frayed spot on the chair. "She's not in a good place right now and I don't want you messing with her."

I wasn't messing with her. Stefan just didn't know how to have fun and was afraid I'd ruin his study buddy. "Are we seriously having this conversation right now? Come on, Stef, you and I both know I didn't make her do anything. She's an adult. I'm an adult. We had adult drinks."

"I've never seen her so hungover. That's all I'm saying," my brother added with a shrug. "Just...leave her off of your hit list. You don't wanna piss Caroline off."

"I get it now. Blondie doesn't like me, so Elena can't like me either. If I knew she was gonna play the immaturity card I would've acted accordingly." My eyes rolled underneath the sunglasses. The night before had not been planned and it was genuinely fun. The fact that Stefan was busting my balls over it kind of pissed me off. "And since we're on the topic, little brother, I doubt Elena would want you sweeping in like some half-assed white knight, trying to defend her honor. I'm pretty sure she can handle herself."

Stefan gave me a confused look. "You spend one night with her and suddenly you're the Elena expert of the group?"

"Ya know, I don't like the tone in your voice, Stefan. It seems to me that you're trying to pick a fight and while, on any other occasion I might be proud of you because I invented that tone, this is not the time."

"I know you, Damon, okay? You invite yourself along because you need to kill time while Katherine moves all your shit out of her house and you're bored. We are not your entertainment. _Elena_ is not your entertainment."

My chest tightened at the mention of Katherine. What a waste of time she'd been - a waste of years of a career. The relationship, if I dared call it that, had left me jaded and unwilling to believe that commitment was worth the effort anymore. "I give her a hard time now and then, so what? It's harmless."

"That's the thing," Stefan paused to drain the remainder of his beer and open another, "you don't know her. She takes things personally and it's not really my place to tell you this but Elena just got out of a long relationship. Like I said, her head isn't in the best place."

"All the more reason to show her a good time!" I pushed, feeling annoyed with the back and forth of the whole conversation. "When you and Caroline finally stop tiptoeing around her like she's gonna break you'll see...and I'm not sorry for being myself. What is with you people trying to control everything?"

Stefan didn't have a rebuttal. He knew I was right and all the energy he had to argue whooshed out of him in a heavy sigh. "Fine. Elena's an adult, you're right, but she's my best friend. She's Care's best friend. We're basically family. I won't stop worrying."

"Seems we're at an impasse, brother."

"And there we'll stay," Stefan stated firmly.

"Yeah…" I chuckled to myself and shook my head. "Until one of us builds a bridge and gets over it." Our bottles clinked as we knocked them together. Agreeing on an impasse was the Salvatore way.

 **Amarillo, Texas**

"Amarillo by morning...up from San Antone," I sang, and took a few steps back to inspect my artwork on the day-glo colored Cadillac, first in the line of a handful. "Everything that I got, is just what I've got on…"

"When that sun is high in that Texas skyyyy," Elena jumped in with the next line as she walked up behind me. "We've _got_ to stop bonding over old songs and booze."

"You make a good point," I answered back, mostly distracted by the spray paint art project, "especially since neither one of us can sing."

She tilted her head and studied the picture, glancing over at Caroline who hadn't let Elena out of her sight for two days. "Is that a penis?" Blondie asked hesitantly.

"Bingo! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. Tell her what she's won."

Elena laughed and earned herself a glare. Caroline crossed her arms with a trademark huff. "Seriously, Damon, are you twelve?"

"She laughed!" I exclaimed and pushed Elena lightly at her shoulder, who continued to laugh but removed herself from the situation. Smart girl. Triumph over the small win emerged in a smirk that chased Caroline away too. I was on a roll.

"Nice dick."

My brother walked past with a can of spray paint in each hand but I barely looked in his direction. "It's to scale," was the best response I could come up with.

Things had been easy, breezy, nice and easy since the great tequila-gate debate. I knew it was only a matter of time before the cover blew off and exposed us all for frauds because that's how it worked. That's how it always fucking worked. Not to say that I wasn't guilty...because I was.

The mechanics of a healthy relationship in any fashion escaped me. Any and all attempts made were usually doomed from the start. My mother died when Stefan was born. My father died a handful of years later. Stefan and I were raised by an uncle who, in all honesty, did the best he could. I don't think I'd dealt with any of that shit so once I was able, I got the hell out of dodge. I just left my little brother to wade through all the crap by himself and it wasn't until I set foot on the RV in Illinois that I realized Stefan had turned out alright.

Years of estrangement left the door open for my mind to create shitty scenarios, when in reality, my little brother had turned into Joe College and made a good life for himself. Me, on the other hand, hadn't quite gotten there. The cover of my biography was the only thing decent about the story of Damon Salvatore. My one and only romantic relationship was with my boss. She called and I came. I was her fucking puppy before I even knew it was happening, but the sex was good, and I made a lot of money taking pictures of chicks in expensive clothes. It wasn't until I didn't have Katherine anymore that the need to be more and do more awoke within me. Hitting rock bottom sucked, don't get me wrong, but I'd gotten my little brother back. Well, I was working on it anyway.

Abandoning the most accurate portrait of a dick via spray paint ever, I pulled my camera strap and lifted the lens gingerly. I brought the viewfinder to eye level and began to document the moment. That's what this road trip was to them, the three people I'd locked on to photograph, and that's what it was becoming for me. _Moments_. Yeah, okay, so I wasn't innocent with all my intentions but I was trying and that gave me points. It wasn't until Elena and I befriended fifty or so random bikers in Missouri that she became a blip on my radar. Ruffling her feathers was almost too easy. That all changed though, the night at Elbow Inn. Underneath all her hesitation and perfectly calculated, pre-approved actions there was one hell of a woman.

The way I saw it, she needed me to show her the light. Maybe loan her a pair of sunglasses after.

 **Clovis, New Mexico**

"No disrespect to the lovely people of Clovis, but why the hell are we here?" Elena pretended to walk an imaginary tightrope that I casually pushed her from. She recovered and began to pace again. "I mean, Stefan is off geeking out over the fact that people lived here in 9000 B.C. and we're here babysitting one another."

"You can't tell me the Norman Petty Recording Studio wasn't fun. Everyone loves Buddy Holly, Damon." She said it so matter of factly and all I offered in return was an eyebrow raise. Bored is, as bored does.

A quick search of the RV revealed a liquor stash, bourbon to be exact, and I held it through the open door proudly for Elena to take. She shook her head but twisted the top off and took a swig anyway. That's my girl. "Are we just gonna mope around and get drunk?" She questioned, "Because I'm completely okay with it if you are."

"No moping, young lady." I emerged with camera in hand and point it at her, capturing the tilt of her head and bottle, the slight smirk on her lips, and it made me pause. "We're going to have some fun." My voice was less sure than I needed it to be but I'd been thrown off - caught off guard by the photo. "Tell me about the ex-boyfriend."

It wasn't an off the wall question considering Elena and I had grown into some sort of odd comfort zone. The longer all of us were on the road, the more she and I were thrown together as a pair while Stefan and Care Bear bonded over whatever it is they did when no one was watching. She sighed heavily. _Way to go, Salvatore._ "Since when does _fun_ consist of ex-boyfriend talk?"

"Since I asked," I stated simply. Wind crept up out of nowhere and swept dust from the trail ahead into little dirt tornadoes. I knelt to take a picture but Elena kept moving slowly.

"What do you want me to say, Damon? We were high school sweethearts and we grew apart. Whatever Matt and I had didn't last…"

The urge to roll my eyes was strong. "I didn't ask for the CW version of what happened. I asked for the truth." Bourbon sloshed back in forth as she shook the bottle. I couldn't help but watch her retreating form swirled in dust and pieces of earth. There was a storm brewing. "Katherine, _my_ ex, is probably one of the worst people I've ever met and even knowing what I know...I can't hate her. I've said the words and thought the words, but I don't mean them." I can tell that tidbit of information caught her off guard by the way she turned and stared back at me with those big, brown doe eyes. There was no way she didn't already have the TMZ version with Forbes as a BFF but I wanted her to know she could trust me. Why? No idea.

"Oh, I know Matt hates me," she offered. "He gave up everything to move to New York because that's where I wanted to be and deep down I knew it wasn't gonna work." Elena hastily drank from the bourbon bottle. She peered over her shoulder to me. "I've never admitted that to anyone before."

It sounded like she'd just admitted it to _herself_. "I'm guessing this Matt guy isn't real good with change."

A train whistle sounded off to the left, catching Elena's attention. I studied the darkening sky and she kept right on talking. "Nope. He had his idea of who I should be and I had mine. He wanted marriage, kids, the picket fence and two story house in Mystic Falls."

I scoffed because that sounded too fucking apple pie for anyone. Then again, all I had to compare anything with was what I'd had with Katherine. The idea of having kids with her would've been, well, a shitty one. "And that's not something you want? Could've fooled me," I admitted. "Give me that bottle, stingy. Sharing is caring."

Elena glared when I snatched the bottle away but couldn't hide the tiny grin that eventually surfaced. I gave her the side eye as I drank noisily on purpose. The wind was even stronger and it whipped her hair around her head in strange patterns. The sweet scent of her, apples, shampoo, and sweat from the midday sun coerced me into a deep inhale. It was unlike anything I'd ever smelled before and I had to force a pout off my lips when the wind calmed. Her eyes were dark, probably because I'd set her inner wheels into motion and she seemed to retreat when the subject matter in a conversation got tough.

So, we stood there and passed the bottle back and forth. Every time the bourbon changed hands our fingertips met in the middle. The first couple of times it was completely accidental but the third was all me. I liked the warmth of her skin and the small thrill it gave me when we touched.

"I don't know what I want," Elena mumbled after all the comfortable silence, only to be interrupted by rolling thunder. It spread past us and through the sky behind me. Her eyes turned toward the sky. "It's gonna rain."

Correction, it _was_ raining. I jogged my camera back to the RV and kicked the outer door shut with my foot. "Have you ever danced in the rain?"

She cocked her head and gave me the cutest damn look. "Can't say that I have. Are you asking me to dance, Damon?"

The raindrops had started to hit us more frequently but her expression was enough to force me to see the idea through. I answered her question by taking her hand and pulling her to me. "Wait a sec…" She stood there, pressed against me in the intermittent rain with baited breath. "Music," I wrenched my phone free with the opposite hand, searched a moment, and then hit play with a laugh.

"You've got to be kidding me," Elena slid her small hand around my waist and threw her head back in amusement. "Garth Brooks?"

"The Thunder Rolls. Only the single most appropriate song for this moment." The sky opened up further, covering us faster with warm drops of water. I tried to shield her from it all as we danced but the wind, the rain, our clothes growing soaked and heavy didn't seem to matter to her. "Are you okay?" I inquired softly when she rested her cheek against my chest.

The atmosphere shifted somehow and I hadn't noticed it at first. I was afraid I'd pushed too far or upset her and all I could think about was the lackluster warning Stefan had given me almost a week before. Thunder pounded through the sky twice more and Elena lifted her head, our eyes locked long enough to cause a stir in my chest that I immediately pushed away. "Look at that sky. How beautiful," she murmured breathlessly.

"Gorgeous," I murmured back. Except, I wasn't looking at the sky.

 **Petrified Forest National Park, Arizona**

"My parents went to to the Grand Canyon before they had me. My mom told me once that it was the single most religious experience she'd ever had." That smile. It showed up whenever she talked about her parents and though I felt a twinge of jealousy, I also found that this wistful, open version of Elena was my favorite. She was much different from the woman Stefan and Caroline made her out to be in their warnings to me.

"I'm gonna have to agree with Mama Gilbert on this one. I've been a few times. I did a photography showcase based on Havasu Falls and the Hualapai Indian Tribal Lands."

"Stop bragging," Stefan chastised without even turning around.

"Stop eavesdropping," I shot back. "You might miss an extra petrified tree that _doesn't_ look like the hundred others we've seen today." Caroline and Elena laughed openly. Apparently, they were Team Damon for this little excursion. "Hey, Care Bear, why isn't there any super anal plans for the Grand Canyon in your binder? Hmm?"

"Because we're not going to the Grand Canyon." Her shrug kind of bugged me, like my question wasn't that important.

"Why, might I ask, aren't we going to the Grand Canyon? It's literally on the fucking way. Just, right there. On. The. Way." I made sure to enunciate every word to be sure she didn't misunderstand how ridiculous _she_ sounded.

"Damon-"

"-No Stef, inquiring minds, which would be me," I pointed to myself dramatically, "want to know why we're gonna wave at the Grandest of Canyons as we drive right by. Please, enlighten me."

Caroline stopped walking with a soft stomp of her foot and turned to give me an annoyed look. "Drop it, Damon. We're not going because Stefan and I have been more than once. You've been too, so I don't understand what the big deal is here."

My gaze landed on Elena who had thus far, remained suspiciously quiet when she had every reason to speak up and tell Blonde and Blonder we were stopping. Well, damned if I was going to let her miss the opportunity. I knew for a fact that she'd never been anywhere but Virginia and New York until this trip. "Elena's never been. But, I'm sorry I didn't realize this was a majority rules kind of excursion."

"This was planned before we invited Elena!" Caroline realized what she'd said and clapped both hands over her mouth in shock. "That's not what I meant...I'm so sorry." She reached for Elena, who drew back a few steps.

"No, I got it Care. It's fine." But it clearly wasn't fine judging by the look on Elena's face. "You know what, I'm gonna head back to the RV."

"You done did it now," I muttered and Stefan punched my shoulder, pulling Caroline off ahead of us. "Ouch...hey, wait up!" Elena was a few beats ahead but I caught up to her easily.

"I don't need you to fight my battles, Damon." The annoyed tone was warranted but really, I was innocent. I was the good guy this time.

"Seriously? You don't think standing in the same place your parents once did is a big deal...because I do. Not to mention, your bestie just brushed it off without even asking you if you wanted to stop."

"Drop it, Damon!"

Whoa. She was upset. I lifted my hands in defense and stopped, letting her walk ahead by herself. With an agitated groan I wrestled my phone from my back pocket and spun in a circle slowly. "No service. Fuck." _I couldn't even Uber my way out._

It was almost dark when I finally decided I could handle babysitting the kids again. The lights were on in the RV and the doors wide open. Stefan and Caroline's voices floated out into the night air and Elena lay horizontal on a blanket, on the ground, staring up at the sky. "Can you find the big dipper?"

Her sour mood apparently long gone, she pointed up at the sky and my eyes followed. After a moment's hesitation I stretched out next to her on the blanket to do a little stargazing myself. She turned her head toward me with a soft sigh. "Thank you...for earlier. I was wrong to lash out at you."

"Don't worry about it, Elena. You clearly have come to your senses." I casually poked her in the ribs.

She squirmed but laughed regardless, sighing again. "They only invited me because they were trying to cheer me up after Matt and I split. This _was_ their trip."

"Then don't worry about them. Do what makes you happy. Be a little selfish." I didn't know if I was giving her advice or reassuring my own self.

"We're gonna get some sleep you guys," Caroline called out to us from the RV. "Don't stay up too late. Damon, you're on chauffeur duty for tomorrow."

"Joy of joys!" She flipped me a middle finger and let the door close loudly. "She's a ball of sunshine," I announce to the cool night air and poke Elena again.

"Stop it," Elena growls playfully and returns the favor as violently as she can manage. "You act like a child."

My head turned and I stared at her long enough to see the outline of her face and the faint movement of eyes blinking back at me. "Not when it really counts." The words hung heavily in the air between us, full of innuendo...or not. I couldn't read her in the dark. "Anyway...I should get the tent set up. Gotta be bright eyed and bushy tailed to drive you kids around."

Her hand on my arm stilled me when I moved. The coolness of her skin was surprising, considering the warm air. "You can share the fold out…"

Well...this was a shocking turn of events.

* * *

 ** _First, I want to say thank you for those who have taken the time to let me know what they thought! It's so helpful and I appreciate it greatly. Second, I've gone over this so many times that it's possible I've missed errors. Doing all of this without a beta or someone to bounce ideas with has been stressful. Bear with me! :)_**

 ** _Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed a peek into Damon's mind. I know I did. Until next Wednesday..._**


	5. Slow Hands

_***This chapter uses 'Slow Hands' by Niall Horan***_

* * *

 **Chapter Five - Slow Hands**

 **Williams, Arizona**

"Elena? Time to get up…c'mon sleepyhead."

Slowly, I started to realize the voice in my ear wasn't a dream and rolled onto my back with a soft groan. "Damon...this is a vacation where I fully intend on sleeping in at all times," I managed to croak in a sleep-laden voice. "What time is it anyway?"

"Time to do as I say." He climbed back into the fold out bed behind me, which is where he was when I fell asleep, and pushed lightly against my back. "Trust me, you're gonna want to get up and get ready."

"Fine." Managing to crack one eye open, I realized it was still gray and murky outside. That meant it was still early and Damon was pushing his luck. Still, I rose zombie-like and stumbled off to get ready. The sliding door to the bedroom in the back was still closed and I could hear Stefan's light snoring. "They're not coming?" The words were whispered back toward Damon who simply shook his head and motioned for me to hurry.

I stepped out of the RV with all my things twenty minutes later and paused, my eyes growing wide in confusion. We weren't at the campground we'd started at the day before. "Change of plans," Damon called from the back of the RV where he was hooking up electric and all the amenities our road home offered. "See, I couldn't in good conscious let you miss out on the Grand Canyon. I saw the look on your face when you talked about your parents."

"Damon, I-"

"-You what? Can't do something for yourself?" He interrupted. Damon approached me and gripped both my shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eye. "We've been playing along with the General and her Lieutenant in there this entire trip."

"Because this wasn't my-"

"-It wasn't either of ours, but here we are. We're _on_ this trip too and we're going to live. You're going to stand up for yourself today when Caroline calls to complain and you're going to tell her that we're staying here for a few days." The irises of his eyes were so intensely blue and it was so damn distracting. "Got it?"

Anything I could have or wanted to say was stuck in my throat and no amount of sputtering or clearing it seemed to work. He'd hijacked the RV, which meant he didn't get much sleep, and detoured it so I could see the Grand Canyon. He'd done that for me. "Thank you," was all I managed, along with a nod of my head.

"You're welcome, now let's go."

The whole thing was akin to an out of body experience. The two of us walked to a train station nearby and I waited while Damon picked up tickets at the will call booth. Grand Canyon Railroad. It wasn't until we were seated on board, in First Class no less, that it all begun to hit me. He had planned this for me and I had no idea why but it was the single most touching thing anyone had done. Damon settled in, but kept his eyes cast in my direction as he set his camera on the table and shoved a champagne flute full of mimosa closer for me to drink. People were still boarding but the scent of breakfast wafted through the cabin, making my stomach growl in anticipation.

"This is fancy," I murmured, taking a drink with a happy sigh. "And it's also too much, Damon. You didn't have to do all of this."

"No, I didn't. But I wanted to, Elena." The look he gave me was one of challenge, as if he dared me to argue any further. "I've seen you go from zero to sixty in the last few weeks. This is the last little push you needed."

I wanted to ask him what exactly he meant but deep down I knew, and he was right. I'd gone from worrying where my life was headed, to living it day by day. There was no telling what would happen when I got back to New York but I would be okay regardless. Somehow, Damon was helping me see that. The soft smile on his lips as he drank his own mimosa told me so. "I don't know how, but you get me. You understand."

The train lurched into motion just as breakfast made its way to us and Damon passed me silverware reflexively. "I pay attention to the details...to the details that make you, _you_. It isn't that difficult," he replied, playing down the enormity of what he'd done for me. "And the ex? Matt? He's an idiot for not realizing what he had. All he had to do was ask you what you wanted."

"Or give me what I didn't know I wanted," I shot back right away. "Then again, I'm not sure he would have known. He saw the teenage girl who wanted what an naive girl wants. We grew up and apart, so, I can't blame any of it on him."

Damon took a bite of a croissant and chewed, letting what I'd said sink into silence before responding. "So, I ask you again. What _do_ you want, Elena?"

He'd asked me that exact question just a few days before and at the time, I hadn't had an answer. "I want…" He didn't press the issue when I hesitated. Instead he drank his mimosa and continued to eat his breakfast, eyes on mine, and his patience gave me courage. "I want to be someone's everything...I want someone to be my everything. Y'know, that epic love that spins your world on it's end and before you know it you've got a marriage and kids and no regrets."

The mimosa glass empty, he moved to the fresh cup of coffee our server poured for him. "You've got fire - that quiet determination that burns from within and drives you to succeed. The fact that you made it through your master's program _and_ life with Blondie and my brother says it all." Damon shot me a grin, coupled with a wink. "Then again, and trust me on this, who we love does not define us."

Katherine crossed my mind in that moment. The fact that all I knew about her was hearsay bothered me since Damon seemed to draw information from me so easily. "Care says that things are done for good with you and Katherine this time. Do you think that's the case?" I questioned hesitantly, not wanting to lose the ease of conversation between us just yet.

A flash of sadness crossed his features but was gone almost as quickly as it had come, settling in his eyes. "It needs to be done. And, to be fair, it wasn't always shitty. We had a good time when we first met."

"What happened?" It was an innocent enough question but I still felt strange, inquiring about Damon's personal life. "If you don't mind me asking…"

He wiped his face absentmindedly with a cloth napkin from the table and tossed it down with a sigh. "We shot with a clothing company, pretty big name, and every one of the memory cards went missing. Gone. It was three weeks of work...just fucking, disappeared." The thought obviously pained him, judging by the strained expression on his face. "Turns out, Kat was sleeping with our in house artist. She pissed him off. The SD cards went missing-"

"-And she blamed it on you." I added, not meaning to interrupt. "She was cheating on you...Damon, I can't even imagine."

"That guy did me a favor, Elena. Either way you look at it, he set me free. I don't know that I would've let her go otherwise." He shrugged and grinned at me, attempting to laugh it off. His left hand came to rest on my thigh and I froze, the warmth surprising. "Was your breakfast alright?"

It had become blazingly obvious that there was more than one side to Damon Salvatore. He was a smart ass and often a _pain_ in the ass most of the time, but when it was just he and I, Damon offered up a part of him that most people probably didn't get to see. That part made my heart beat a little faster. "It was delicious, thanks," I patted the hand on my thigh gently, turning my attention to the passing scenery.

The train ride was a little over two hours of peacefulness. Damon fell asleep an hour into our surprise journey, but after staying up half the night to plan it I understood. He was wide awake and in rare form by the time we'd unloaded and made the short walk to the south rim of the Grand Canyon, the sight of which no one could have prepared me. I rushed ahead of Damon in sheer excitement and leaned over the edge of the barrier. It was breathtaking. I was emotional. It was exactly what I needed.

I could feel him hovering behind me, his eyes burning into the back of my head yet patiently waiting for me to have my moment. "I am not to speak to you -" I quote from memory of Damon's Whitman book. "- I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone, I am to wait - I do not doubt I am to meet you again -"

"I am to see to it that I do not lose you," He finished as he appeared at my side but said nothing else. My hand sought his and our fingers linked as if they'd done it before.

Silence wrapped us both in a bubble and everything else, _everyone else_ , just disappeared. I thought of my parents and the look in my mother's eyes whenever she talked about their Grand Canyon trip. I thought of the large, framed photo of them in front of the canyon that still hung on their bedroom wall. If they'd felt the stillness and peace that I was, it all made sense. Or maybe I was packed full of romanticism thanks to the man whose hand I held. Somehow, Damon and I had become friends. Close friends.

His hand eventually dropped from mine to lift the camera. "That poem remind you of your parents?" He asked distractedly, seemingly unmoved by the events.

Yeah, I-" My ringtone cut me off and I checked the screen. Caroline. Perfect. Damon and I exchanged a knowing glance. "Hey, Care. What's up?" I answered calmly.

"Seriously, Elena? You know what's up. Why the hell are we hooked up in Williams Arizona?"

Damon started making motions, slicing his neck with his thumb and pretending to hang himself with an invisible rope. I tried my best not to laugh but failed miserably. "Well, at least we hooked the electric up. That means you had hot water this morning."

"You are not funny. I don't know what's going on with you but this is crazy. Where's Damon? I know this was his idea. No, Stefan, stop," She mumbled into the phone, trying to keep the phone from the other Salvatore.

"You know what, Care?" I stood a little taller and turned my gaze away from Damon. "I'm not sorry we did this without telling you guys. I haven't complained this entire trip. I didn't complain when Damon showed up and crashed this vacation. I didn't complain when you guys drug me through the biggest flea market in Missouri looking for vintage clothes…" I paused, drawing a breath. "But I'm complaining now, because I'm actually happy. For the first time since my life fell apart I feel like it might be okay and if it takes pissing you off, so be it."

Damon approached me with a smirk as I slid the phone back into my bag. "Easy there, killer. You're dangerously close to turning me on in front of all these people. That was impressive."

I could feel heat rising up my neck and onto both cheeks so I laughed bashfully, tucking hair behind my ears. "Apparently, I'm full of surprises lately."

We walked for the rest of the day, roaming aimlessly while Damon took pictures and I rambled on endlessly about things, about _me_. Conversation was so easy with him that I didn't think twice about letting him into my world. On the train ride back we browsed through some of the photographs he'd taken at the South Rim and I marveled at the beauty. He was talented. And well read. And a smart ass. _Calm down, Elena._

"So, I wanted to see this whole experience through and I got us a room at the Grand Canyon Hotel," He admitted as we walked casually through the train depot, toward the RV campground. "There's two beds, but I mean, if you wanna share I'm not opposed to that either."

He waggled his eyebrows annoyingly and I shoved him, making a disgusted noise in my throat. "I'll have my own bed, thank you."

"Alright, but if you end up in mine I won't tell and I won't judge."

"You're an ass," I laughed. "Although, after the things I said to Caroline earlier it's probably a good thing we don't have to sleep in the same space."

"What's the matter, Gilbert? Can't take the Care Bear Hate Stare?" Damon looked impressed with himself as the words left his mouth.

"Yeah, okay, Dr. Seuss. Lets just pack a bag and get the hell out." The RV loomed in the distance like a bad omen. _Time to pay the piper…_

 **Grand Canyon Hotel, Williams Arizona**

"I think I'm disappointed that Care wasn't angrier. I don't know how to take that at all." Damon poured us both drinks and sauntered over, staring down at me where I hung off the side of the bed. We'd had dinner, a really good one, and too much to drink at the local bar where we got invited to a rodeo the next day.

"You, Miss Gilbert, were the epitome of badass today and I think she respects you even more now. _That's_ why she didn't unleash the wrath on you. And, the fact that we've given them enough space to fuck all over the RV probably didn't hurt either."

I groaned at his crassness but flipped and sat up to take the drink he was offering. It sloshed on my opposite hand and I licked it off, grinning. "You still haven't solved my apartment problem, y'know. With Matt gone, there's no way I can stay there."

We'd shared a lot of information with one another throughout the day. It was shocking that as drunk people, we kept it all straight. "Where is it again?"

"Tribeca." The drink I'd had was gone and I stared at the glass accusingly, a slight pout on my lips.

"Ah, right, Tribeca. I know a guy who has a bar in Tribeca. Billy...he's an old friend. We used to travel together but I haven't seen him in years."

"Wait," I stopped pouring liquor and turned. "Billy...as in, Billy's Bar? Damon, I live above Billy's bar."

His eyes widened and I admired the hazy steel color, glassy with intoxication. "No shit? That big loft in the front with all the windows? That's _yours_?"

I nodded and stuck my phone into the iHome clock radio on the nightstand, randomly playing a station in Apple music. Bouncing a little to the beat, I moved to stand in front of where he sat on the edge of the bed. "You've seen it then...you know it's way too much for one person." Small. World.

Damon stared up at me, obviously in the midst of an epiphany. A whiskey induced epiphany but...semantics. "I'm moving back east - let me move in. As a roommate." And then he took a drink and _smiled_ like it was every day that a man that looked like him wanted to help me pay half my rent.

The song shuffled on the iPhone and something changed. The atmosphere, his face, my face, the taste of the whiskey. Damon set his glass aside and then snatched mine. He stood up so slow I almost passed out in anticipation. He was staring me down like I was about to be second dinner and suddenly, there was a knot in my stomach. His finger traveled the length of my bare arm and I shivered, his skin cold from the ice in the glass he'd just been holding.

 _What was happening?_

 _Why wasn't I stopping him?_

Our eyes locked and in that brief second I understood every cheesy romance cliche I'd ever read or heard. The air had been sucked out of my lungs - out of that damn room - until Damon kissed me. His lips were firm and sure against mine. His hands were needy, running around my waist and locking on my ass. Tasting him, feeling him, set me on fire. A blaze the size of a wildfire had ignited within me and just when I started to silently hope that there was a drought...it was over.

 _Holy shit._

* * *

 _Hey guys! So, this chapter is a little shorter than I normally write. Work has been crazy and I'm working with two stories but I'm dedicated to Wednesday updates. Anyway, I hope you liked! Gently Go I will update tomorrow...in case you're reading that one as well._

 _I'm going to Covington, GA in three weeks for the set tour so updates that week may or may not happen. I will however, have tons of photos on my twitter of my trip as I go so follow me Nikki_Novak if you wanna see those goodies._

 _Thanks again for all your reviews. I love each one._

 _~Nikki_


	6. Do You Or Don't You?

**Chapter Six - Do You Or Don't You?**

Damon's eyes were hung on my lips when he pulled back. I pressed my fingers there, where his lips had just been. I didn't know if I was more shocked about the fact that he'd kissed me or that I really liked the feeling in my stomach when he did. A strange silence filled the empty space where we couldn't put the words just yet. We just stood there. Looking. Processing.

I had never kissed anyone but Matt Donovan. Ever. Sure, I was no prude but there was something so exciting about the way Damon kissed. He put his whole body into it and I felt myself getting lost in the moment.

With liquor burning through our veins like fire, I felt invincible. So when his hand caressed my cheek I leaned into it and when he licked his lips like he was about to kiss me again, I leaned into that too. And there was no going back. I couldn't say for sure that I realized it at the time but he'd been unraveling me for days...with his eyes, his words, and his extremely high expectations of how freely I should live my life. It was all a lead up to his hands sliding so unexpectedly under the hem of my shirt to pull me back and crash his lips to mine a second time.

Somewhere behind us, songs shuffled and played, setting a scene that hadn't been written yet. We swayed slowly as Damon continued to slide his hands up my body, yanking my shirt up and over my head. He tossed it aside and I swung my hair out, laughing softly. "You okay?" He almost whispered and all I could do was nod.

His touches lit me up from the inside out, burning me alive, and the mood shifted from want to need. I scrambled to yank his shirt off and then his pants but almost fell in the process. We both laughed, a blush lighting my cheeks and he took control.

It was a mess of sheets, and limbs...tangled haphazardly. His skin melted into mine and any feelings of doubt or guilt I might have had burned off in the heat. For two people who bordered dangerously on the edge of strangers, we went at one another like it was second nature. It wasn't like anything I had ever done and I wondered sometime in the aftermath before exhaustion took over if the actions were really _me_. Damon slept next to me, blissfully ignorant to all the thoughts I'd been hit with and I began to wonder if I was just another rebound...a notch on his belt, even.

 _Who are you, right now?_ I thought. _I don't know._

* * *

The sun was hot and I shielded my eyes from the brightest part of it with one hand. Caroline passed me a bottle of water as she traversed the metal bleachers we'd been perched on for at least an hour. "What did I miss?" She asked, digging in her bag for the sunscreen.

"Not much," I offered, cracking the bottle open thankfully. "I think calf roping is next and then the good stuff."

She grinned and bumped me with her shoulder. "Nothing beats sweaty cowboys. Too bad the guys are missing out."

"Hm...right. I don't think they're too upset about it, Care. Something tells me that alcohol had quite a bit of influence when Damon accepted these tickets last night." My muscles tensed with the mention of the night before...and that morning. Awkward was a nice word for the strange awakening Damon and I had experienced. Part of me expected it for obvious reasons but, other pieces of me wanted it to be okay because those pieces actually _liked_ Damon Salvatore.

"I'm still kinda pissed you guys hijacked the camper but…" The blonde paused and propped her new cowboy hat on her head. "Hot men on horses is helping me get over all of that, Elena. You're redeemed."

She giggled and I tried to laugh but, I was about to blow her out of the water one more time. "Care? I need to tell you something." I glanced at her and then out over the dusty ring where a guy had just roped a calf.

"What?"

The hesitation was there in her voice and still I couldn't make myself look at her. "...Damon and I slept together last night. As in... _slept_ together."

From the corner of my eye, I could see her head whip in my direction. "Oh my _God,_ " she wheezed out in shock. "Elena, you didn't tell me there was something going on between you two!"

The hurt in her voice shook me a little. I had fully expected anger and shock and upset because I had acted totally out of character so the hurt threw me off and I met her gaze. "There isn't...I mean, there wasn't. It just...happened."

"But this is what he does! Katherine screws him over and they break up. He messes around until she comes crawling back...it's their _thing_."

Confusion set in. She'd told me she thought it was over completely between them. He'd told me the same thing and furthermore, it was sex. One time. "Care, you told me yourself that it was over," I whispered in a harsh tone, trying to avoid making a scene. "And when Damon told me it was over, I believed him. I could see it in his eyes." Okay, maybe it wasn't _just_ sex.

She pulled me in and released a few visible breaths. "Elena, sweetie, this is _not_ a good idea. Falling for Damon? Its...god, you're still getting over Matt and falling into the same cycle all over again. You can't fix him. He's _not_ going to change."

"It was sex, Care. No one said anything about falling." The words came out weakly and for a moment I wondered if I was trying to convince her or myself.

 _The air conditioner kicked on and I rolled to my side, the breeze ghosting across my naked body. Slowly but surely, the events of the night before came crashing back. My eyes lifted to meet icy blues and I gasped softly at his intense stare. One arm was draped lazily over my bare hip, the other bent beneath his head. "Morning," he offered with a hesitant smirk._

" _Morning," I replied awkwardly. I was not even close to being an expert at random sex but was what we'd done really that random?_

 _I'd never seen Damon less that sure of himself...even when we were younger. Granted, she hadn't had much interaction with him, but he'd always been confident and carried it proudly, obviously. But the way he rolled from me in the bed and stood was anything but typical Damon. "So, uh...we should get packed up. Get some breakfast before the rodeo."_

 _My eyes stared far too intently at the ceiling as I listened to him slowly getting dressed. The pull of his zipper seemed to echo in the strange silence. "Did you mean what you said last night?" I asked out of absolutely nowhere._

" _Huh?" He glanced over his shoulder at me briefly. I didn't see it but, I could feel his eyes on me. "What did I say?"_

" _About the loft," I reminded him as casually as I could manage. "You said you wanted to share the loft with me...help me keep it." It was like we hadn't just spent most of the night doing things I'd never dreamed of doing - especially with him._

 _I finally looked at him and he scratched the back of his head, his hair sticking up in every direction. "You're okay with that, Elena? Really?" He motioned at my clothes still scattered around the room. Apparently, sleeping together had thrown us both off._

" _Okay with keeping my home?" I shot back, holding the sheet to my bare breasts as I reached for my bra and panties. "Listen...we're adults. This was-"_

" _Yeah, I got it," he interrupted with a wave of his hand. He was writing it off before I did. "Listen, I need a place and the loft is perfect. We'll kill two birds with one stone." Damon shrugged and pulled on his shirt. "I won't get in your business and you won't get in mine, right?"_

 _I wasn't quite sure what was happening. It was like he'd hit the rewind button back to the the first day on the RV together. Hadn't we spent the last two weeks becoming friends? Maybe I was too naive. Too trusting. Damn it, Elena. "Right. Roommates."_

" _Can we talk about this later?" Damon asked as he checked his phone. "Hey, I've got to make a phone call. I'll catch you at breakfast."_

 _Before I could even open my mouth to respond, he had escaped the room. I showered and dressed and then packed everything dejectedly. Armed with his stuff plus mine, because he'd bailed faster than anyone had ever bailed before, I checked us out and made my way back to the RV. What the hell had I done?_

Caroline eyed me heavily, as she'd been known to do, and I feared I would collapse under the pressure of her stare. "So, if it was just sex, why is Damon off hiding from you with Stefan? They skipped breakfast and everything."

"I don't know, okay? I'm not ready to work through it all just yet. Lets just enjoy the rest of this trip." I offered her a smile and tapped her hat with a laugh. "Before you know it, Stef will be gone to Egypt. Jenna and Ric'll have a baby. Things, they are a'changin'."

"Aw, I can't wait for the baby. And the baby shower!"

Her gears shifted so easily. "What about you? What's in the future for Caroline Forbes?"

She gave me her usual sweet smile and I laughed, drinking my water. "Since you asked...I quit my job. I saved enough money to start my own business." Her voice rose at the end, one decibel away from an excited squeal.

"Oh my gosh! Care! That's great news!" I tossed my arms around her neck, glad I'd put the cap back on my bottle of water. The few people next to us shot us an annoyed look and I took her hand, pulling her from the stands. "I'm ready to help with whatever you need," I volunteered once we'd exited the crowd.

"Great," Caroline squeezed my hands and did a happy dance. "Because Jenna's baby shower is my first gig. I'm gonna need all hands on deck."

Which means I'd have to go back to Mystic Falls. Again. "Yeah, of course. Whatever you need. Count me in."

 **Damon POV**

"You had _sex_ with Elena?" I gave my brother an annoyed look. It was the third time he'd repeated that exact fucking sentence in the last ten minutes. "Is that why we're hiding like a couple of douchebags?"

"We aren't hiding, jackass. Drop it, okay?" To say I was annoyed would've been an understatement. I wasn't annoyed with Elena, but more with myself and the situation. The plan was never to have sex with her. We'd struck up a friendship and damn if she wasn't the sexiest thing I'd seen, but she was different. It didn't take lectures from my little brother to open my eyes to _that._

"Let me get this straight," Stefan started, his finger and beer bottle pointed in my direction. "You had drunk sex with my best friend, brushed her off this morning while she was still naked...and then ghosted her so she had to bring your bags and shit back to the camper?"

"Preeeeetty much," I drawled, nodding my head in agreement. "I told her I'd move in with her too."

Stefan choked, beer spilling out of his mouth when he bent over, gasping. I smacked his back a few times until he could at least wheeze. "Damon, you're messing with me, right? Come on, man. Please."

"Nah, can't say that I am, little brother. She wanted to stay in her loft. I know Billy, the guy who owns the bar _and_ the loft. Two plus two equals me living in Tribeca so fucking far away from Katherine Pierce it isn't funny."

It looked like Stefan's head was about to explode. I could see the vein in his neck pulsing and I realized I sounded like an asshole. He told me as much. "I told you to leave Elena alone, Damon. She's not like the women you run in circles with, okay? If she gets hurt I swear…"

"I'm going to figure all of this out with her so, don't get your panties in a bunch. She's actually the last person I'd ever want to hurt," I admitted far easily than ever before. Stefan was about to respond but my phone buzzed in my pocket and I held up a finger to pause him, answering the call. "Damon's phone...Damon speaking."

"Hey, baby. Long time no talk. It's good to hear your voice again." The smooth, sultry tone of Katherine's voice infiltrated my ear and I froze, my free hand immediately going to my forehead to massage away the inevitable headache before it started.

"Katherine. What the fuck do you want?" I growled and Stefan gave me a menacing look. "I hope you called to tell me all of my stuff is in storage. Or that you've found another one of your coworkers to sleep with behind my back."

"That's no way to talk to me, Damon. Shame on you." She tsked me and I could hear the satisfied smirk on her pouty lips through her voice. "I miss you and I've been thinking...you should come home. Just come home and we'll work all of this out over a bottle of wine and a bubble bath."

Oh the look that must have been on my face. Stefan took a step back but remained close enough to eavesdrop. Of course. "Listen to me, I don't care what you offer me or what you say or whatever - _I am so done with you._ Do you hear me? Done. So, my shit better be packed away in my storage unit or I will end you."

It was easy to deny her over the phone and she knew it. I could hear it in the carefree way she sighed. "Whatever you say, lover. You haven't seen the last of me. Kisses."

I almost gagged at kissing sounds she made into the phone and hung up without bothering to say goodbye. I should have known she was going to make things difficult. "Jesus…"

"Wow, bro...wow. I thought you were done with her this time," Stefan spoke up with a shake of his head.

I raked my hands through my hair with a frustrated groan. How the _hell_ was I supposed to straighten things out with Elena with Katherine sniffing around again? The last thing I wanted to do was feed her to the wolves...or the wolf in this case. "Stef, you have no idea. You don't even know the half of it."

"In all fairness, you let her control you."

I did. He was right. "Okay, point made. But I'm trying to get out of this vicious cycle. Give me some credit." I was beyond frustrated and he must have known because he handed me another beer. "You think I'm playing around with Elena but I'm not. She's so not complicated and easy to talk to and fucking beautiful."

Stefan nodded, his eyes trained on the peeling label of his own beer. "Everything aside, do you really like her, Damon?"

"Yeah, I do. It's just complicated."

"Get your shit together before you screw it up because I've got news for you. Elena is not gonna sit around and wait while you figure out what you want."

He made it sound like I was going to date her. Did I want to date her? Since when did liking someone mean I _had_ to date? "We have things to talk about. End of. If we're going to share space then the last thing I want to do is relive my life with Katherine all over."

"Elena is nothing like Katherine." Stefan shot me the dirtiest look and I did the most adult thing I could think of. I gave him the finger.

"No shit. I just meant, sleeping with the woman you're sharing an apartment with is a sure fire way to end up homeless. Again. This is me we're talking about."

"Damon, man, you haven't made any sense for at least twenty minutes now."

"Elena and I need to stay friends. That's my final answer. She gets to keep her loft and I get to leave L.A. behind. Start all over." I set the beer bottle aside and stood, walking away from where my brother still sat. That's what I would do. I'd tell her the sex was a mistake and it couldn't happen again. That would definitely set everything straight.

What the hell was I thinking? I picked up a rock and threw with a growl of frustration and then turned, my knuckles connecting with the side of the RV. "Fuck!"

* * *

 _ **A day early but a week late. It might be obvious but I struggled with this one and in the end, just decided to go with my gut and post what I had. Thank you all for reading still and thank you for the reviews!**_


	7. Cake and Wine

_Finally! Right? I know, this took forever. It's also pretty short. But by nothing short of a miracle and some gentle nudging on twitter (thank you for the kick in the butt by the way) I present chapter seven. Enjoy!_

 _P.S. Thank you for the AMAZING reviews. I read every one of them and cherish every one of them!_

* * *

 **Chapter Seven - Wine and Cake**

 **Mystic Falls**

There was something very humbling about moving back in with your pregnant aunt and her husband. I'd only been half joking the first time around but turns out, I was back to my roots. I was living in Mystic Falls and had been for two months. I was certainly on the fast track to something and it wasn't using my Masters for anything useful. No. Playing assistant to Caroline as she planned Jenna's baby shower was how I'd been spending my time. And avoiding Matt Donovan at all costs.

The events of the road trip seemed so far behind me but Damon did not. He crept into my thoughts now and then but we hadn't spoken. I'd started to think that what happened between us out on the road had been a side effect of the RV. Being stuck in that small space enticed us into friendship. At least, that's what I started telling myself. Still, for some reason I couldn't forget the look on his face when I rejected him. The way his features fell was almost haunting and who knows, maybe I would spend the rest of my life asking 'what if'.

With the baby shower hours away, I'd been busy running errands for Caroline, cleaning for Aunt Jenna, and trying to organize a storage locker packed full of things that used to be in a loft in Tribeca. It was a turning point in my life, letting it go and that was _exhilarating._

* * *

 _ **Santa Monica, California**_

 _Finally. We'd finally made it to California and mostly in one piece. I leaned against the wooden railing and closed my eyes, letting the cool breeze off the ocean hit my face. The seven hour drive from Williams Arizona to Santa Monica had been awkward at best and I had never been happier to steal a few moments alone with my thoughts. The ocean was a nice distraction, the push and pull of the waves was calming at best._

 _So much had happened in the last few weeks and whether it was cliche or not, I landed on the west coast feeling like a completely different version of myself. I attributed a lot of that change to the person who'd been avoiding me like the plague. We needed to talk about what happened. I wasn't about to let another man silently pressure me into being a certain way or wanting certain things. We had both said and done things hastily, in the heat of the moment. The truth was, I liked Damon. I wanted him to be in my life and despite the fact that we'd slept together, I wanted to be friends. Deep down, I'd hoped he could be more, but I wasn't about to bend over backwards to make it happen. I would be okay regardless._

" _Thought I might find you here."_

 _His voice surprised me and I smiled, but didn't turn around. I could feel his presence next to me without even looking. "He speaks," I replied, using his words against him. "We need to talk."_

" _Yeah," he offered quietly and I hated that tone in his voice. It made me regret what had happened when that was the last thing I wanted to feel. "I was an ass, Elena."_

" _I know." And I did. But, part of me was thankful for our lack of better judgement. "I was there too...and I'm not holding it against you, Damon. You taught me a lesson that needed teaching." A small, but confident smile graced my lips. "I don't think the whole roommate thing is a good idea. Not now. The truth is, I don't need someone to help me. I have spent way too much time on autopilot and just accepting the things that happened to me. I know I agreed but it was a mistake. I have to stop relying on other people."_

 _He exhaled next to me and I finally turned to face him, to take in the surprise dancing around in those eyes. He was...hurt? Those eyes might have ruined me if I let them. "Fine. I was toying with the idea of staying in LA anyway."_

 _Damon's reaction didn't match the expression on his face and it tugged at something deep within me, but I couldn't entertain anything other than the decision I'd made on the last leg of our road trip. He seemed to be shutting down, withdrawing from the conversation before it even began. "Oh...well, good." It was hard to work around the fact that he'd just totally shut down in a matter of seconds. That wasn't the man I had gotten to know._

" _Yeah, I might give the whole Katherine thing another shot." My eyes widened and he smirked before continuing. "Turns out she's not over me after all."_

" _Are you crazy?" I couldn't keep the emotion out of my voice. He was an idiot. "All the shit she did to you and you're just gonna go back to her like nothing happened?"_

 _His jaw clenched and his gaze darkened. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you thought, 'Lena. I'm an instant gratification kinda guy...seize the moment. Y'know, live for the day."_

" _That's bullshit and you know it, Damon. You can do so much better than her and your talent...my god, I've seen your photos." It felt like I was trying to talk him out of his own backpedaling, which I wasn't. He was a grown man and could make his own decisions but the confusion had been clear on his face when I rejected the previous agreement to be roommates. It wasn't a smart move and I needed to stand on my own two feet. Plus, I really liked Damon and my gut said I wanted more from him than he did from me._

" _You can't have an opinion on something you know nothing about, Elena." His tone was cold and I drew back a little, hurt written all over my face. I could feel it in my stomach, the regret over opening up to him so quickly. "And I don't have to explain myself to you. Good luck with the loft. See ya around."_

 _He walked backward a few steps and then spun. I stared at his back for far too long, wanting to yell but in all honesty, what was the point?_

* * *

I was stuffing gift bags when Caroline finally tracked me down and I offered her the friendliest smile I could manage, knowing she was only there to give me more to do. "When these are done, I need some help with the banner. I swear, sometimes you just have to do everything yourself."

I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head. Typical Caroline, and with Stefan gone, she'd been more overbearing than normal. "Everything looks beautiful, Care. Jenna and Ric are gonna love this. What time is the photographer getting here?"

She stood a little straighter but didn't answer right away. Instead she fidgeted with the clipboard in her hand and cleared her throat. "I've been meaning to talk to you about that, actually. Please don't get mad."

"Mad about what?" I questioned, moving finished gift bags into their designated spot. "What did you do?"

"The photographer cancelled and so I was desperate."

My eyes narrowed and I crossed my arms with a heavy sigh. Somehow, I knew I wasn't going to like what was coming. "You and desperation do not mix, Care. Last time we had a conversation like this, Damon ended up on our road trip."

Caroline sunk her teeth into her bottom lip and looked as guilty as I'd ever seen her look. "Damon is coming instead. I hired him as a replacement."

 _Yep. You're in trouble, Elena._ "So? Am I supposed to react a certain way? I was the one that rejected him and he's the one that decided I wasn't good enough to be friends with...end of story."

"If I had any other choice I wouldn't have asked him, Elena. I'm really sorry."

"No, Care, it's fine," I said, waving the whole thing off. "We're adults and I intend on acting like an adult. I'm over it, okay? Today is about Jenna."

Caroline nodded and she seemed satisfied with my answer. I'm glad one of us was because it felt like my insides were jelly. "Good, now we have to go hang the banner," she informed, her happy, bubbly mood back in place.

Surprisingly, I was calm, cool, and collected after the initial shock. Caroline kept me busy and doting on Aunt Jenna filled the rest of the time. It had me believing that I could carry on like normal. Damon Salvatore did not and would not affect me, especially after months of not hearing from him. I made the right choice in standing on my own two feet and my resolve held strong until I laid my eyes on him. My stomach turned and my heart almost gave out on me because he was beautiful. His camera hung, as usual, around his neck and he was talking animatedly with Jenna.

 _Stay strong, Gilbert. You made the right choice._

When Jenna finally moved on, Damon was left standing there and our eyes met. I could feel my face warming but I didn't look away, unfortunately. He took a step in my direction but Caroline called his name from across the yard and he was gone. Before I could gather myself I noticed _her._ Katherine. At my aunt's baby shower. With Damon. She sized me up with a glare that surprised me to be honest. Did she know who I was? In a panic I retreated to the house. I needed a drink.

* * *

Jenna balanced a handful of baby clothes on her stomach, reaching for another present. I laughed at her from my place, conveniently hovering around the table full of food. It was the safest place and the furthest from Damon and his shadow who hadn't stopped eyeing me since she pranced into the back yard with the most ridiculous pair of heels on I'd ever seen. Little by little she'd moved closer to where I stood and I did my best to pretend like she didn't exist. I really tried.

"I'm shocked Damon flew all the way here for this thing."

The voice wasn't one I heard before but I knew exactly whose mouth the words had come from. I turned, gave her an uninterested look, and then went back to watching the shower. Apparently, Katherine was even more petty than I imagined her to be.

"You know, I can't figure out for the life of me what Damon saw in you." My head snapped in her direction and she nodded as if she'd gotten exactly what she wanted. "I overheard him talking about you to his brother." Katherine admired the slices of cake on the table before meeting my irritated gaze head on.

"It wasn't said directly to you, which means it's none of your business. _I_ am none of your business." Her face was made up, makeup flawless but, I imagine anyone with money could look that way.

She glanced over at Damon who was taking photos, ignorant to the conversation that was growing heated. "When your name continuously comes up in _my_ house you automatically become my business. I don't know what juvenile cat and mouse game you're playing with Damon but it stops. Right now."

"I guess you're not as informed as you'd like to think you are, _Katherine._ I haven't spoken to Damon in months." I pursed my lips and lifted a plate with a piece of cake, taking a bite with a smug grin. "Santa Monica, that was last time we spoke. I recall him saying he was running back to you because he had nothing better to do."

Rage transformed her features and everything started to happen in slow motion. She tossed her glass full of wine forward and it hit me in the face, my plate tipping out of my grip and falling to the ground. "You _bitch._ "

I stood there a moment, my white shirt stained red, drops running down my face and into my mouth that was open in complete shock. "What is wrong with you?"

People were starting to glance back in our direction, but she wasn't done yet. "You think you're little miss perfect with your innocent eyes and your squeaky clean small town life. You'll never be good enough for him. You're just a cheap imitation of me."

Something inside me snapped my hand connected with her face before I could stop myself. She stood there in shock, both of us did actually, and everything around us went silent. From the corner of my eye I caught Caroline and Damon moving toward us. Hurriedly, Katherine picked up a piece of cake and smashed it against my face, knocking me to the ground. Caroline was there to pick me up before anything else could be said or done and when I finally got to my feet, Katherine and Damon were gone.

"I'm so sorry," I said to Jenna when I realized she was holding my other hand. "I don't know what...I didn't mean for that…"

"Caroline, take her inside. Get her cleaned up." Ric instructed quietly after rushing to the growing group by the snack table, patting me on the back.

It felt like everyone's eyes were on me as Caroline led me away. Probably because they were and all I could seem to replay over and over was the look on Damon's face when he saw what had happened. Everything felt so far away. The road trip felt like someone else's story. Our quiet walks under the stars at night. The train ride to the Grand Canyon. None of it felt real anymore but worst of all, I felt empty. After months of convincing myself that I'd moved past whatever it was that went on between us, all it took was a childish altercation to make me see that I still had a lot of work to do.

* * *

 _I post my struggles and try to keep updated on updates via Twitter. Find me there if ya want. Nikki_Novak_


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